Deployment: A Wilted Yellow Ribbon and a Determined Flower.

Our ribbon is looking very sad at this point in the deployment cycle.

I went for a walk in the neighborhood this morning. On the way past the front of our home I noticed the yellow ribbon that we put up when my oldest son deployed was looking a bit sad and wilted. The ribbon mirrors my internal mood.

We are over half way through this deployment. While I keep a cheery exterior and move through the paces of daily life, the invisible undercurrent that pervades my inner thoughts is fairly dark and gloomy.

My walk in the neighborhood was a way to shake myself out of a funk. This morning I posted this update: “Chelle has one more day of middle school, then my baby will be a high school freshman!” A Citadel classmate of my son then replied “Chin in.”

His comment made me smile. It sounded like something my deployed son would say. I haven’t heard from my son in over a week.  Having his classmate respond was like hearing from my son, but not quite. I felt the tears well up so I took a walk.

It is a beautiful day. I felt better just enjoying the sounds of a nice spring day. I passed a determined little flower poking through the asphalt and had to take a photo. It was a good reminder to press on through. I ran into a neighbor and we caught up a bit. My walk around the neighborhood continued and I was feeling much better.

This little flower seemed determined to poke it’s way through the asphalt as a testament to will power and determination.

Then I saw our wilted yellow ribbon and was reminded why I took a walk.

A Note to New Citadel Parents

Knobs pick up their new PT clothes (AKA Knobbie clothes). Note the cadet in the navy blue to the right.

It is that time of year again. High school graduations begin and preparation for the next class of cadets at The Citadel are beginning to prepare. Each year at this time I see an increase in the number of visits to my blog, especially the entires that deal with knob year.

There is a Facebook group for the parents of the class of 2017 to help them understand the ins and outs of preparing their student to matriculate in August. The group is made up of new parents and parents of graduates. The questions always revolve around the best computers to buy and where to find items from the Success Packet of required items. Most of the answers to these questions can be found on this blog and also on the school website, but I think parents like to hear directly from other parents who have been there.

If you are a new parent there is one bit of advice I’d like you to hear. The Citadel is a leadership school. Your student will learn to take control of their experience there. It is important for you to learn to let them make their decisions. That begins with preparation for Matriculation Day. Please read the entry The Citadel: Year One a No Fly Zone for Hovering Parents.

They need most everything on the required list, but even on that list there is room for personal preference, like whether they want pajamas, desk lamp, etc. Ask your future cadet what they want and what they don’t want to bring. The Citadel Family Association “Nice to Have List” is a suggestion of items to bring. Ask what your cadet wants to bring from that list. If they get to school and decide they do want something it is available on campus or at a nearby store, or you can mail it. You want them to be prepared but it should also be a growing experience for them to begin to make their own decisions.

Even as I write this I know some readers will say, but they HAVE to HAVE so and so with them. I have learned over the years that there is no universal cadet experience. Some cadets like home-baked goods in their care packages, some only want healthy foods. Some want coffee pots some do not. One parents will say you NEED to send a particular item, while another will tell you their cadet never used it.

My advice for new parents? Take this opportunity to begin to let go of your control and allow your student the opportunity to begin to make their own decisions. You’ll be amazed at how much they mature this first year.

Previous entries about knob year:

The Citadel: Unofficial Tips for Families of Incoming Knobs

A Letter to the Class of 2015

Matriculation Day: Getting Ready

Matriculation Day: Reporting in that first day

Knob Year Notes for Parents

Deployment Ups and Downs

I used the last of a roll of shipping tape on the last box to be sent during this deployment.

We’ve reached a deployment milestone. This week I received the stop mail date. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, the stop mail date means military families have to stop sending mail on that date because the unit is preparing for their redeployment home. Receiving word about this date is confirmation that the light is getting brighter at the end of the deployment tunnel.

Several events this week put a damper on my enthusiasm.

The first was early this week when our doorbell rang unexpectedly. It was a sales person for a pest control company. I try not to panic when these unexpected knocks happen and my anxiety was relieved when I saw through the window that the person on the other side of the door was wearing a white golf shirt, not a uniform. He was a nice young man. I explained what the Blue Star Flag means that hangs on our front door. I also explained what the yellow ribbon around our front tree means. He apologized for not knowing and said he would remember that in the future. I felt better knowing I had educated one more person about the anxiety families of deployed soldiers can go through when the unexpected knock comes to your door.

The other events of the week include the news stories of soldiers killed in Afghanistan by an IED and a suicide bomber. When an events like these happen there is a communication black out period so the military can notify the next of kin of the soldiers killed in action. It is a period of anxiety, waiting and hoping you won’t get the knock on your door. Then you realize if it isn’t you there is some family about to learn their loved one is gone. As part of a huge extended military family part of you grieves for the loss of someone you don’t know, but with whom you feel an affinity. The reality is these stories aren’t highlighted in the news any more. they are available, but you have to look for updates. That means the general public is blissfully unaware of the continued tragedies of the involvement overseas.

As I wrote earlier this week, my son wrote to me on Mother’s Day. I know I won’t hear from him for a while. I try not to let myself ponder too much on the what ifs of the news from the past few days. Most of the time I am successful.

I have little rituals I do when I am anxious. One of them is to send packages. Since the stop mail date has passed I will have to find another outlet. The welcome home baskets for the single soldiers is one effort I will continue to work on through their homecoming. I had ordered some special pralines from a local restaurant for my son’s platoon. Since I’ve now missed the mailing deadline I will send them to the rear detachment office at Fort Stewart.

Last week the military blog site I contribute to, Off the Base, posted my entry about Mother’s Day. I was also interviewed by Bobbie O’Brien about helpful and not helpful things for military moms. I’d like to add one more item. Comparing your child going off to college with a deployment is not at all helpful for the parents of a deployed soldier. Unless your child is being targeted and shot at while they are at school. The same thing holds for spouses on extended business trips. It is not the same and not helpful to compare a business trip to a deployment to a war zone.

Writing that helps me vent, but I do hope it will help at least one reader refrain from drawing that comparison.

Melancholy on Mother’s Day

Chelle and Dorie visit with their soldier in the fall of 2012 during Family Day at Fort Stewart.
photo by Stanley Leary

Today is my first Mother’s Day as the mom of a deployed soldier. I have to admit that Mother’s day has never been a favorite holiday of mine. My own mother died when I was pregnant with my first child. When I was struggling one Mother’s Day a friend pointed out, “Mother’s Day is a tough day for mothers who have lost their mothers.”

So this day reminds me of who is not here as much as it reminds me of my own motherhood. I love my children and am grateful for the tokens of their love each year. But as hard as I try to stay with the here and now, I am reminded of who is not here with us. This year it is my first-born child.

I haven’t heard from him in days. On Facebook I see photos of flower arrangements sent to other moms from their deployed children, and read of messages sent and Skype calls made. My expectations of hearing from my son are very low.

This past week I was asked to contribute some tips for Mother’s Day to the military blog, Off the Base, a project of Bobbie O’Brien of WUSF. Bobbie also interviewed me this week for a Mother’s Day piece that aired on WUSF this past Friday. The interview went well until I was asked about what I do for Mother’s Day. For several years now I have not seen my oldest son on Mother’s Day. I do, however, have a few phone messages I have kept from previous Mother’s Day calls from my oldest son. I never do know when I’ll hear from him. I keep the messages just so I can hear his voice once in a while. As I told Bobbie about these messages I choked up a bit.

So today is another day of mixed emotions. My husband and my two children took me to enjoy a nice Mother’s Day brunch at my favorite restaurant in town, Adele’s. This afternoon we will listen to my daughter play with her middle school orchestra at an art festival in town. The evening will be used to prepare for the week ahead.

It’s early afternoon here and night-time in Afghanistan. No word from my deployed son.

My daughter told me I had to wear this cape to her orchestra performance today. It did lighten the mood a bit.

FOOTNOTE: I wrote this entry before the concert at the arts festival in town. During the concert I was showing my Army ACU purse to two children sitting next to me. I then looked at my phone to check Facebook messages. There was a note from my deployed son! As I was talking about him, he was writing to me. It made my afternoon. He said Happy Mother’s Day then told me I wouldn’t hear from him for a while. The tears flowed once again.

I put on my dark sunglasses and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon.

An unexpected surprise

I went to the mail box this past Saturday and was surprised to find a large envelope sent from the Afghanistan. Inside the envelope was this 3-69 AR BN Certificate of Appreciation from the battalion commander and the command sergeant major.

A huge thank you goes out to the scores of friends who helped with the fundraising drive a few months ago, and the people who are contributing to the current effort. As you can see from the certificate linked above, your contributions are greatly appreciated.

If you haven’t given to the 3-69 AR BN and would like to, here is how. . .

send a check made out to:

Friends of Speed and Power

3-69 AR BN

Attn: LT Yamin

515 Warrior Road, Bldg 648

Fort Stewart, GA  31314

The funds raised will help defray the costs for the welcome home baskets for single soldiers and go toward the other welcome home events.

Thank you for supporting our troops!

The color guard moves forward during the Casing of the Colors for the 3-69 AR at Fort Stewart, October 2012.

Hero On My Arm: Custom made bags from your uniform

The “Elizabeth” messenger bag with nametapes, Yellow Ribbon Rank Patch and Blue Star Service Flag Patch.

Last year for Mother’s Day I asked for a purse made of an Army ACU uniform. After searching a number of sights I selected a custom made messenger bag from the company, Hero on My Arm. I also ordered a Ready to Ship bag for our daughter. My oldest son was due to deploy. Having a bag made of an Army uniform with the added Yellow Ribbon patch is our way of showing our support for him.

I love my messenger bag so much, I ordered another more dressy purse made from a dress blue uniform a few months later. By then I was so impressed with the workmanship I decided to sign on as a sales representative.

Next weekend I will be in Charleston to pick up some donated gently used cadet uniforms. One mom of a Citadel graduate ordered a purse a few months ago. She sent in the grey blouse. The “Jacqueline” style purse turned out well. A smaller custom purse was made from the same jacket.

The “Jacqueline” style purse made from a cadet gray wool blouse.

Mother’s Day is approaching. The newly commissioned military contract cadets will report for training. The fall football season won’t be far behind. Show your support for your cadet and/or military son or daughter by ordering your own purse or backpack from Hero On My Arm.

The “Elizabeth” style messenger bag can also be used by the man in your life as a briefcase for their iPad or laptop. The Diaper bags also make great larger bags to tote to eh beach or long weekends.

Browse through the photos of the various purse styles to get ideas of how you would like your bag personalized. Monogramming is available. You may even want your cadet company on the bag. If you have the Citadel Tartan fabric, you can send that in to have your bag lined, or order one of the bag extras made out of the fabric. Call or email Hero On My Arm to talk through your ideas. They’ve added a concealed carry pocket on a few bags too!

See the extensive Flickr photo gallery to get ideas of the type and style purse or bag you’d like.

A smaller Custom order bag made from a cadet grey wool blouse.

The step by step ordering process gives you a number of options to customize your bag. If you have special requests or questions, put them in the comment section or leave your phone number if you’d like to talk through your request. The Custom made bags take up to 4-6 weeks to receive, but it is well worth the wait. The Ready to Ship bags take about one to two weeks to receive.

See the FAQ page for directions on sending your uniform in and other helpful information. If you scroll down on the page you’ll see the choices of lining fabric, Fonts available for embroidery and more.

 

The back of the Custom bag.

REMEMBER put DorieGriggs in the discount code area when you order. You will get FREE Shipping and the company will know you heard about them through this site.

Join the Facebook page for Hero On My Arm and check it often to snag the occasional discount or special offer. Last year for Mother’s Day they ran a special and I received a free Key Chain Wristlet with my order. See this link for the Accessories available.

Happy Shopping!

 

 

Hero On My Arm, Discount Coupon Code: DorieGriggs

The premade “Julia” bag with pink lining, two nametapes, and Yellow Ribbon Rank patch added. 

The top of the “Julia” bag with zipper closure.

 

 

 

The premade Navy Blue “Claudia” bag with yellow ribbon added.

 

The inside of the premade “Claudia” bag.

 

The inside of the “Elizabeth” bag with an added pocket for an iPad. Note the pen holder pockets.

 

The back of the “Elizabeth” bag with the extra Blue Star patch.. The rear pocket is great for cell/smart phones.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflecting on the Long Gray Line

 

Time flies by. Two years ago I was gearing up for graduation weekend at The Citadel. My graduate is now a first lieutenant in the US Army and on his first deployment.

Two years ago I had no idea I would still be in regular contact with parents of current cadets. Once I posted the information for Citadel Parents to this blog I thought that would be it. Parents could find the information and I would move on to other activities. I was wrong.

What I didn’t expect were the emails and phone calls from Citadel parents. By the spring of 2012 I found it was easier to answer the questions of new parents by posting a Facebook group for parents of the class of 2016. A few friends who are now parents of graduates joined the page too. The group grew. It now boosts over 300 members. A group for the class of 2017 parents is now up and running.

Once your cadet gets through the first year at The Citadel you can volunteer with the Citadel Family Association. It is a great way to help other new families learn the ins and outs of having a cadet at The Military College of South Carolina. It is also a terrific way to make friends. This blog is just one way to learn about The Citadel experience. Any number of parents of current cadets can help answer questions as well. The Citadel Family Association is a great place to find supportive parents.

Next week I will travel to Charleston to be with a few of my Citadel Ya Ya sisters, and visit with a number of families with graduating cadets. In a way I feel like a distant aunt to some of these cadets. Little did I know in 2007 when my son matriculated I would become good friends with the parents of his fellow cadets. And I never would have guessed that I would reunite with an old high school friend from New Jersey.

One day four years ago I received an email asking if I was the same Dorie Griggs who went to Sparta High school. The note was from Gwen, a friend with whom I spent many a weekend with in high school. Who would have guessed that thirty years after leaving high school in New Jersey we would be reunited in South Carolina at The Citadel. Her oldest son is now a graduating senior and will begin his training in the US Army and Gwen will be a Blue Star mother.

Next week I will enjoy being a spectator at the annual rite of passage from cadet to graduate during the Long Gray Line parade. I’ll spend time catching up with good friends and meeting some of the parents I only know through Facebook.

The cycle begins again in June as the Atlanta Citadel Club hosts the annual cadet send off dinner for the incoming Class of 2017.