Change

NOTE: If you follow my blog for information on The Citadel, this entry won’t be of interest. It is a personal reflection not related to The Citadel.

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In September of 1999 I returned to my studies at Columbia Theological Seminary after the birth of our daughter in November of 1998. 1998 marked the end of a very turbulent 10 years for me. The changes continued after she was born but they slowed to a manageable pace.

In 1988 I was pregnant with my first son and my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She died nine months after the initial diagnosis. I returned from my mother’s funeral to find I would be laid off when my son was born. The company was restructuring and they kept me on until his birth rather than lay me off right away.

My oldest was born in March of 1989. By early 1990 I learned I was expecting my second baby, my husband at the time accepted a job in San Antonio, Texas and we moved there. Six months later he left the job in Texas and moved back to Atlanta. I was on bed rest for several weeks that fall and my second son was born in November of 1990.

Soon after my second son was born I went to work part-time for a United Methodist Retreat Center, January of 1991. That time period is a bit of a blur to me now. Two small children a new job and the loss of my mother left me in a bit of a fog. The job became full-time and was a great distraction from the profound loss I felt when my mother died. To compound the confusing time my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. My sister and I were o the front end of a trend that became known as the sandwich generation. Adults with small children caring for elderly parents.

Dad died in 1993. Shortly after he died it became evident that the my marriage was not going to make it and we separated. In early 1995 the divorce was finalized. In July of 1995 with the help of scholarship money, Student financial aid, and the support of my work place, I began my studies at Columbia Theological Seminary. by the fall of 1995 I was engaged to my now husband. We married January 6, 1996, Epiphany. It seemed an appropriate date to begin our new lives together.

The first few years of marriage were also filled with change. I had two miscarriages the first year we were married. We bought our first house. In January of 1997 my second son who had just turned 6 broke his femur in a bicycle accident. He required care 24/7 and I had to leave school for the semester to care for him.

By early 1998 I was pregnant with our now 18-year-old daughter. The changes didn’t end there. When my daughter was 2 weeks old I was fired from my position at the retreat center. It was a difficult time but I learned by then that God would hold me up in my time of uncertainty.

So, when I went back to my studies at Columbia I began a study on change and the church. I had been through so much in a relatively short period of time studying change and the church seemed an appropriate topic. I used a book, Mighty Stories Dangerous Rituals as the main basis for the study, “The Use of Narrative and Ritual in Leading Church Organizations Through Major Change.”

It was a wonderful way to help me make sense of my personal feelings and emotions, but also a great lens to view the changes I had seen in my former work place, the church I belonged to and the Presbytery, that just went through a change in leadership.

I interviewed several people for the study and video taped the interviews. One in particular has amazing relevance today. I interviewed Dr. Lane Alderman, senior pastor of Roswell Presbyterian Church. Each person I interviewed received a few questions in advance about the change they were going through in their respective positions, and asked them for scripture passages they used to help guide them through the transitions. Their answers to my questions helped me make sense of my own path through tremendous change.

At this point you may be wondering why I decided to write about this now. April 14th will mark one year since Dr. Lane Alderman died after a long battle with cancer. Roswell Presbyterian Church just welcomed our new pastor after a long and thoughtful search. I found myself thinking about my study on change and in particular the conversation I had with Lane about change. This weekend I looked for and found my study from 1999 and uploaded the video interview to YouTube. I’ve shared the link with Lane’s family and the new pastor of our church and decided other people may find his insights helpful as change enters your life.

Back in 1999 the study helped me frame many of the experiences I had gone through. I had no way of knowing then how helpful it would be to me 18 years later.

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Caring for the Messengers

This past weekend Sue Klebold, the mother of Dylan, one of two young men responsible for the horrific tragedy at Columbine, was interviewed on ABC’s 20/20 Friday night. Her book will be released this week. For the families of the victims of Columbine, and many other victims and survivors of mass shootings, it was a tough weekend. Every time a shooting happens of any type the people who were impacted whether they lost a loved one, were injured themselves, or were there, relive their experiences. That includes the people who tell their stories, the journalists.

The general news consuming public makes an assumption that because gathering the news is their job, traumatic events don’t affect the reporters and photographers. Just because it is their job doesn’t mean jourmalists are immune to human emotions. That would be like saying soldiers don’t deal with PTSD or emotional issues because it is their job. Nothing could be further than the truth.

Thanks to the work of the Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma and several studies on the subject, more and more journalists are finding the support they need. Dr. Anthony Feinstein published his book in 2003, Journalists Under Fire. The book was the result of his study of war correspondents. He found a significant minority of war correspondents meet the criteria for PTSD.

Dave Cullen, a reporter and the author of the book Columbine, wrote an incredibly open, honest, sometimes painful, look at the pain and emotions he experienced during his time covering the Columbine tragedy and in researching his book. Each time there is a shooting he revisits his grief. In his article in the Daily Beast he gives us all a glimpse at the grieving the survivors of these types of mass shootings revisit each time another one happens.

I’ve written about my call to support journalists and others here before. Moving forward when people question me about why I feel called to support journalists and why journalists would need a chaplain, I’ll point to this very powerful and personal account.

My hope in writing this reflection is that the next time you read a story, watch a report, or listen to a story on the radio that discusses a horrible tragedy, you’ll think not only of the victims but the people who respond to the story. The journalists don’t just write about the stories, but are also deeply impacted by what they witness and cover.

Articles about Dorie’s ministry:

To journalists on the frontline, Atlanta chaplain offers lifeline

2014 Pioneer in Ministry Award

2014 Columbia Theological Seminary Pioneering Ministry Award

The 2014 Columbia Theological Seminary Pioneering Ministry Award proclamation.

The Story of My Nontraditional Calling

Accepting the Award

Accepting the 2014 Pioneer in Ministry Award. Photo by Stanley Leary

For as long as I can remember I’ve had a vague idea that my life purpose is to help people. Just how that should play out was not very clear for a very long time.

After college I worked in sports PR and then the hotel business. I was able to do small acts of kindness in those positions. Years later when I started a position at a United Methodist Church retreat center a tug to go to learn more about my faith grew stronger.

I entered Columbia Theological Seminary in 1995. At the time I was divorced with two small boys. I worked full-time and went to school full-time and had to squeeze in work-study hours too. The boys and I lived on campus in an apartment, but they remained in the school they attended 20 miles away.

It was a chaotic time to say the least. It was also a time of great growth and change.

Early on I felt God had led me to Columbia, not to do something different, but to enhance the work I was already doing in a ministry of hospitality.

Some where along the way as I struggled to discern where God was calling me, a thought came to me. My husband, who is a photographer, was a member of a group called Christians in Photojournalism. I began pondering what it would look like to be a caring presence for all journalists.

Early in my sports PR career I learned about the difficulties in being a journalist from a videographer friend. He worked for a local news station in Richmond, VA. He told me back in 1981 that when lists of most dangerous jobs come out, photojournalists/videographers are usually at the top. That thought haunted me for years. I met reporters who covered breaking news who would recount assignments where the area was cleared for them to enter and they stepped on a body part. What do you do with that experience?

In the middle of my long tenure in seminary, it took 7 years to finish what is usually a three-year full-time program, I began to investigate what was out there as far as support for journalists. One summer I spent time researching the topic. I would Google terms like “journalists ministry,” “reporters chaplain.” Not much showed up in these searches back in 2000. Then one day I found a group, not a faith-based organization, that seemed to understand what I knew inside. The Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma had articles on how to sensitively cover victims of violence, but they also offered tips for journalists to take care of them self after covering a traumatic event like war, natural disasters, and violent crimes. I began corresponding with the executive director and also the founder of the Dart Center.

During the 2001-2002 school year, my final year at Columbia, I was admitted to a clinical pastoral education (CPE) group. My context for ministry was working with journalists in the press room at. Georgia Tech football and basketball games as well as the Men’s Final Four. While the journalists weren’t covering trauma, the access to reporters and photojournalists led to incredible conversations. It was the year of 9/11. It was also the hear the head football coach at GT left for a head position at Notre Dame, his dream job, only to lose the job when discrepancies in his resume came to light.

The year ended with me feeling affirmed that what I knew inside was true, journalist do benefit from having a caring presence in their midst. My CPE supervisor affirmed that call in our final meeting. She also told me that my journey could be very lonely and suggested I build my own support network.

The years after graduation were filled with wonderful opportunities to grow and meet journalists. I worked for a program called Faith And The City that helped clergy in formation (seminarians) learn to be actively involved in civic affairs in their towns. I produced an interfaith dialogue cable television program called Faith And The City Forum: Interfaith Dialogue on Civic Issues. It was an exciting time.

During my first year at Faith And The City I attended my first meeting of the International Society of Traumatic Stress Studies where the Dart Center also brought their fellows for a time of intense learning. It was wonderful to finally meet the people I had only exchanged emails with up to that point. They welcomed me in and introduced me to their fellows, journalists from around the world who covered war, disasters, and other traumatic stories.

During the lead up to the war in Iraq I began a prayer list for journalists who were covering the conflict. many of whom were embedded with troops. The list grew and eventually my husband helped me put it on my website. Soon the National Press Photographers Association posted a link to the list and emails began coming in thanking me for my efforts. Some asked for their names to be added to the list. After receiving these emails and after developing regular communications with journalists in war zones, I knew this is what God called me to do.

Unfortunately my path with the organized church was not so clear. While I knew I was called to be a caring presence for journalists, finding a way to be ordained to that ministry was not in the cards. It was not the fault of the organized church and the committees. Deep down I knew I did not want to serve in an ordained position. It was only after the conversation with the father of a journalist friend that I had the courage to claim my call and leave the formal ordination process.

He had started a Bible study on the PGA golf tour in the 1960’s. He told me, “You might need to do what I have done. I’ve modeled my ministry on Paul. He was a tentmaker by trade, but he also had a very important ministry.” Since I did not feel called to traditional ministry being able to administer the sacraments was not a motivator for me to be ordained. From that day forward I claimed my call and left the ordination process.

Since that time I’ve had the privilege to be present for scores of journalists as they wrestled with the news stories they have covered. I’ve learned things about their work things like, in a situation where the smell of decaying bodies is overwhelming, using Vick’s vapor rub under your nose while wearing a bandana over your nose is one way to mask the smell. I was in a film called, War and Truth, about journalists in Iraq. During the taping of the film I had the opportunity to meet a reporter I know I had added to the prayer list the year before. It was a powerful moment when we met and I told him he had been in my prayers for over a year.

I was interviewed on the local NBC station about my work. During a Workplace Chaplaincy conference at the Yale Center for Faith and Life I led a break out session on the need to provide pastoral care for journalists. The following year I led a similar break out session for the Association of Professional Chaplains. All these opportunities presented them self to me even though I was not in a tradition ministry position.

I experienced a shift in my focus when my oldest son decided to attend The Citadel on a four-year Army ROTC scholarship. By this time I knew quite a bit about the type of experiences our soldiers are exposed to. It was hard to be excited about his choice of career and school because of my fears for his safety. I eventually learned to respect a process I know I would not have succeeded in. It became evident to me that there are many people, like my son, who are competitive, and driven to do well in intense situations. I learned how to be a supportive parent in a very tough environment.

My participation in the Citadel Family Association led to many conversations and emails from anxious parents. By my son’s junior year I realized that I was using what I had learned in pastoral care classes to help be a listening presence to parents. Not everyone who attends The Citadel will go on to serve in the military, about a third do.

Once my son graduated I posted everything I used to share with the Georgia Citadel Parents Group to this blog site so anyone searching for information on preparing for knob year could find it. I remember thinking at the time that it would help parents be able to help their soon to be knob prepare to report and at the same time help lower the big unknown for the parents. Information has the power to lower anxiety. If the parents are less anxious my theory was that they would not bother their son or daughter with as many questions. It would leave the cadet to focus on surviving that very difficult knob year.

For the most part I believe it has helped. I will say that each family, each parent and each cadet is different. The parents have far more access to information now than in 2007 when my son started. Instead of being at home isolated without much information, except what ever is posted to the school website, parents can now join any number of Facebook groups just for parents. I still believe the best course of action is to learn what you need to in order to be supportive, but let the cadet navigate the system on their own.

I continue to stay in touch with quite a few journalists while I keep up this blog site geared toward Citadel families as well as several Facebook groups for Citadel parents.

I didn’t realize until now just how many people outside of these circles have taken note of my outreach.

This past Tuesday Columbia Theological Seminary hosted the annual Alumni/Alumnae luncheon. During the luncheon I was presented with the 2014 Pioneer In Ministry Award. Two of my former classmates nominated me for the work with journalists, but also for the support I’ve given to parents of cadets at The Citadel. It is a tremendous honor to be recognized in this way. It is particularly meaningful to me because CTS is a very traditional educational environment that prepares students to become pastors of congregations or chaplains. I do serve in a ministry, but I do not work for a church or church organization and I am not ordained. The way we “do church” is shifting to an outward focus. Being given this award at this time is affirmation to me that yes, I am exactly where God wants me. I am helping people but in a non traditional, but very ancient ministry of presence.

As a nice foot note to the event on Tuesday an attendee approached me outside the building after the luncheon to say congratulations. He then told me he was a chaplain on the PGA golf tour in the 1960’s. It turned out he is a very good friend of the father of my friend who encouraged me to view my ministry as a tentmaker, like Paul.

Beginning June 2 I will begin a year-long Clinical Pastoral Education residency at the VA hospital in Decatur, GA. I will have 3 other classmates along with a few interns who will join us during a few semesters. We will learn as we provide pastoral care for the patients of the hospital, mental health department and the long-term care facility. I look forward to this next adventure. I will continue to be present on the Facebook groups, but not throughout the work day.

Pamela Leach presents teh 2014 Pioneer in Ministry Award during the annual Alumni Alumnae Luncheon at Columbia Theological Seminary

Pamela Leach presents the 2014 Pioneer in Ministry Award during the annual Alumni Alumnae Luncheon at Columbia Theological Seminary.  Photo by Stanley Leary

Pam Leach presents Dorie with a stole as part of the Pioneer in Ministry Award.

Pam Leach presents Dorie with a stole as part of the Pioneer in Ministry Award. Photo by Stanley Leary

Dorie addresses the gathering

Several of my long time friends attended the luncheon.

Several of my long time friends attended the luncheon. Photo by Stanley Leary

The 2014 Columbia Theological Seminary Pioneering Ministry Award proclamation.

The 2014 Columbia Theological Seminary Pioneering Ministry Award proclamation.

The War in Iraq: Ten Years Later It’s Personal

Ten years ago this week I was at our kitchen table reading the news of the “shock and awe” that started our war in Iraq. My two buys, 14 and 12 at the time were impressed with the photos that were featured on the front page. They were fascinated as they watched the televised images of missiles as they were launched and flashed on their descent into Iraq.

I was against our entrance into war. In 2003 I worked for the nonprofit, Faith And The City, and served as the producer for an interfaith dialogue television program. All of us in the office preferred a diplomatic approach to differences over sending our young soldiers into harms way. Ten years ago I couldn’t have predicted what I would be doing today.

This morning started with a message from my oldest son. He updated me on his work as a soldier in Afghanistan. My Facebook feed today is filled with retrospective pieces on the war in Iraq.

I couldn’t imagine then that my oldest son would be one of the soldiers in the Middle East today. I have said this before but there are days that seem surreal. I am here, and fine physically. Mentally my thoughts are all over the place. My son is always on my mind, but today scores of others weigh heavily on my mind.

My last year as a student at Columbia Theological Seminary (CTS)I developed a model of chaplaincy to journalist that cover traumatic events. Leading up to my final year in my master of divinity program many people questioned why a journalist would need a chaplain. As the wife of a photographer and having many friends who are reporters, I knew something many of our media consuming public still is not aware of as they read or watch the news. Journalists are first responders to traumatic events that others are fleeing from. Unlike other first responders there is no industry wide protocol to help them after an event. Firefighters, police, emergency medical personnel, all have some type of support protocol in place after an event. Many of these professions have chaplains available to them for support.

Journalist cover events, often at risk to their personal safety, then have to write, photograph and file stories about it only to go out and do it again the next day. They do not have a corporate culture of support. Like our soldiers, law enforcement members and others, journalists do not look for praise for doing their job. They are also hesitant to reveal they are struggling with the effects of what they have seen and experienced for fear of being sidelined from doing their job.

I entered my final year of seminary quite sure of the need for a caring presence for journalists. My husband and my supervisor in my clinical pastoral education class were about the only ones who understood my vision. Then the school year started.

It was the 2001-2002 school year. My first class was scheduled for the end of September. Then the events of September 11, 2001 unfolded. Seasoned journalists were seen crying on television. No one was immune to the grief and sadness of the events of that day, including the reporters, videographers, photographers, editors and other news personnel. Suddenly friends who doubted the need for a chaplain to journalists expressed support for my work.

In the course of my research I found an organization that understood what I knew inside, journalists who cover traumatic events are profoundly affected by the events they cover. How they are affected will vary, but like other first responders the events do stay with them in some form long after the situation has resolved. The Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma, is a leader in the field. The founder, Dr. Frank Ochberg, in his quest to teach journalists to be more sensitive in their coverage of victims of violence found that the journalists were also in need of support for what they covered.

I began an email correspondence with Dr. Ochberg my last year of studies at CTS. His research was helpful to me in the papers I wrote for classes. By the start of the war in Iraq I had come to view Frank as a friend and mentor in my journey to learn to be supportive to people who experience traumatic events. The Dart Center is not a faith-based organization, but they appreciate that I come from a faith-based approach to support. My intent has always been to serve in a ministry of presence and support to people of all faiths or none at all.

That morning ten years ago after seeing my boys off to school and driving into my office I felt helpless. I was a volunteer chaplain to journalists faced with the reality of contacts and people I didn’t know, being embedded with our troops.

Our local paper, the Atlanta Journal and Constitution ran a graphic one day. They showed a map of the Middle East. Photos of the journalists from the paper and CNN were placed over the areas they would cover. I pulled out a note pad and began my list. It was and is a prayer list of journalist who went to the Middle East to cover the war. I wrote their name and affiliation. I combed news sites of outlets around the world to add names to the list. Then alphabetized the list. My husband posted it to my website, where it remains today,with this introductory paragraph:

The following journalists are filing or have filed stories, photos and articles from Iraq. Please remember these people and their families in your thoughts and prayers as they continue to work to keep us informed.

Also, please remember the journalists around the world and in your hometown who work daily in dangerous situations and on difficult stories.

If you know of other journalists who should be listed, please send their name and affiliation along with a link to their work to: dorie@dorielgriggs.com

As the war continued I added name after name. The National Press Photographers Association found my list and posted a link to their home page. Journalists from around the world wrote to thank me for praying for them. I began to meet some of the journalists on this list through my own contacts with them and also through meetings of the Dart Center Ochberg Fellows.

There came a time when the movement of journalists in and out of the Middle East was so fluid that it was too hard for me to keep up an accurate list, but I continued to pray.

Today my prayers continue for the journalists, the soldiers, their families, the people of the Middle East, and the veterans all impacted by our involvement there.

The situation has become intensely personal for me now.

My oldest son is one of the soldiers in the Middle East. Now my son and our family are prayed for by others.

Chelle and Dorie visit with their soldier in the fall of 2012 during Family Day at Fort Stewart.photo by Stanley Leary

Chelle and Dorie visit with their soldier in the fall of 2012 during Family Day at Fort Stewart.
photo by Stanley Leary

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